Coming OUT – It’s Not Just for Gays

I’ve been thinking a lot about living with transparency in a world that judges those who don’t fit-in.  That’s because nearly a year ago, I set a stretch goal of living and working with audacious authenticity.

As I reflect upon my big “coming out” I bask in the acceptance I felt when others were validating the 360 degree me but feel the sting of rejection by those who don’t accept me simply because I’m not just like them.  The bonus is that I’m really not all that different! That’s my big ah ha – how daunting it is to live in audacious authenticity in a harsh world.  I’m awestruck when I consider how my experience is dwarfed by the bravery of those who take the real leap of coming out. The concept of “coming out” is intended to “out” the violence of “judging” that encourages some to fear and hate those who are different and forces others to live a lie of fitting-in.

When I felt push-back for being me I became keenly aware of the harsh rejection of those who differ from the mainstream.

So I’m pushing back. Posturing and posing are often a suffocating mask – why do we feel forced to wear them? Do we even acknowledge wearing the mask of the totally together, cool kid to hide our perceived blemishes as well as our beauty?

• How much of your real self do you stuff in the closet because you fear being judged or rejected?
• What percentage of your day and life are you wearing your mask?
• How much energy does it take to maintain “the act”?

So here’s my proposition – come out, come out, whoever you are:

The brave service to our children and the evolution of the world is to live in audacious authenticity.  We need to be role models – to stop teaching our children how to “act” and begin showing them how to “be”.

Instead of teaching them to judge others and pose for acceptance through a veneer of labels, lets help them to see individuals.  When we do, we free our children to learn from the best of humanity and we free ourselves from the self-imposed prison that binds us from living authentically.

It’s not an understatement to say that the world can profoundly benefit if we reveal our genuine spirit – how else can we learn from our collective greatness and frailties in a way that unites and elevates everyone? The more I write about this topic the more emboldened I become.  In part 3 of “Fitting-in” I made an argument that I’m feeling more each day…I have to be completely myself if I hope to fully realize myself.

By celebrating our differences and letting go of fear, we allow the inner peace of releasing superficial limitations and the ability to reach our potential . It’s time to let all of the facets of humanity shine with transparency. All of it – the good, the bad and the ugly…but who’s judging?

So what do you think? Do you dislike being labeled, judged and/or wearing a mask or do you think they are necessary elements of society?

Life Equals Risk: Success Stories (part 3)

Forbes magazine asked 34 entrepreneurs, celebrities, athletes and politicians:“What are the biggest risks that you have taken?”

Read some of the gutsy and inspiring stories and/or zip through the “In Pictures” flipbook to pause on personalities of interest. Several of the stories provided me with a visual of “white-knuckled success” – it seems that for many of them, the following quote sums up why they took the plunge:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”~Ambrose Redmoon

Part 1 of this series put risk into perspective with the glaring example of how simply getting out of bed each day is a life threatening risk that we don’t even consider. It prompted you to bring to mind risks that you taking until the reality of taking them feels as frightening as your first roller coaster ride.  And closed with a video of famous failures who went on to become great in business, the arts, and politics – ending with a stirring clip…”Life Equals Risk”.

Part 2 examined risk tolerance. It became clear that most of us cannot be labeled as risk-tolerant or risk-averse because our temperament, nature and nurture impact our ability and willingness to take situational risks. The take-away: we all have the ability to take big risks – provided that we possess the self-confidence and/or belief that the risk is worth taking.

Part 3 opens above with the risks taken by regular folks and a few well-known entrepreneurs. So it seems fitting to wrap up the series by sharing success stories of 10 celebrities who would not realized their destinies had they not taken the risks needed to follow their dreams.

10 Famous People in the “Wrong” Career at Age 30

1. Andrea Bocelli, lawyer
2. Julia Child, government spy
3. Rodney Dangerfield, aluminum siding salesman
4. Harrison Ford, carpenter
5. Michael Jordan, baseball player
6. James Joyce, singer
7. Mao Tse-Tung, elementary school principal
8. Colonel Sanders, salesman/farmer/pilot/fireman
9. Sylvester Stallone, deli counter attendant
10. Martha Stewart, stockbroker

“In order to realize your destiny, you must be willing to release your history.” ~Karl Schmidt

So what do you think?

• Was their celebrity a result of having the courage to take a big risk?
• Or did they become well-known because following their passion was a risk worth taking?
• Or was it a mix or something else that allowed them to feel the fear and do it anyway?
• What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Are Your Values Deal Makers or Breakers? (part 1)

Thk over your lifetime of friendships, romantic relationshis, and jobs.
If you list deal makers that created or sustained them and the deal breakers that eroded or destroyed them, you may be very surprised by the trends that emerge.  Those trends will identify what you really value.

I’m not speaking of  what your ideals or beliefs tell you that you should value but what you uniquely value – what best suits YOU and keeps you in the game (job or relationship) over the long haul.

When you clarify what you value (read “need”) you learn the strategy to play your cards right.  You can live with purpose and on purpose because you know what sparks the fire in your belly, gives you the mojo that makes you eager to come home each night, get up in the morning, and sing in the shower…okay, nix the shower bit because sometimes you just need to belt one out for no good reason!

But seriously, this simple exercise can be wildly eye-opening and only takes a minute to set up.  So ‘cmon, print the PDF or grab a blank sheet of paper to get started identifying your values.

1. Print this Values Exercise page or create your own sheet in the same format.

2. Decide whether to focus on Job or Relationship or both.

3. GOAL: Identify trends in your deal makers and breakers.  Consider every meaningful relationship or job that you walked (or ran) away from. Deal Makers: What drew you and kept you (perhaps too long) and Deal Breakers what ultimately broke the bond or caused you to end it? 

Trending Tip: List adjectives  in each column, e.g. opportunity, material things, safety, belonging, nuturing/love, personal growth or self-actualization, etc.  You don’t need to use the example words per se, just try to use similar words (where relevant) to faciliate ease of trending.  A bit like sorting and organizing the cards in your hand by color and suit, e.g. red, black, hearts, diamonds, spades, and clubs so that you know what you’re holding and how to play them.

If you’re doing the exercise now, take 10 – 15 minutes for reflection and if later, just create the page and put it in a prominent place for reference.  Reflect upon the hand that you’ve been dealt and which cards you have thrown into the discard pile over the years. What you trend may be as rewarding as it is shocking – I experienced a relationship values breakthrough that changed my life.

When you have clarity around your deal makers and  breakers it’s easier to find work that feels more like play and  relationships that don’t feel like work.

This simple but powerful exercise can help you to play your cards right.   I cannot encourage it enough so I’ll tell you what… create your lists and if you show me yours ( just comment about your experience) I’ll show you mine!