Ideas of Success Morph by Life Stages
June 15, 2010 by Jeanne Male
Filed under Career Management, Goals, Life Satisfaction, Values
Karl Follen, a man of great moral strength and intellectual power said,
“I have found that it is much easier to make a success in life than to make a success of one’s life”.
His words sum up a profound truth that many of us don’t discover until our golden years. But why does it take the better part of a lifetime to define success on our own terms – to see that worldly success comes at too high a price if it is not aligned with how we want to live? I suspect that we unwittingly fall prey to material success but that our initial ideas about success morph throughout our life stages and situations.
Where are you in any of the six major life stages that I’ve defined below?
- Surviving (hand to mouth)
- Striving (fire in the belly or climbing the ladder)
- Arriving (promotion, title)
- Thriving (accolades, hitting stride)
- Resigning (over it, burned out)
- Re-designing (creating, re-equilibrating or re-inventing)
The saying, “life is meant to be lived forward but understood backwards” certainly applies to how I progressed through the life stages that I’ve named according to what it felt like going through them…the alliteration was simply to amuse myself and to soothe some of the sting associated with the struggles of each stage. Only in retrospect can I understand that my humble beginnings drove a deep-seated need to prove something to myself and others during the striving and arriving years. I came down with “affluenza” in my 30s (as many do) and sought what Alain DeBotton calls “social love” – promotions, titles, or wealth due to our desire for approval and respect. I also fell prey to what Paul Stiles points out in his book, “Is the American Dream Killing You?” by having all of the outward trappings but little satisfaction and inner peace.
Striving for success is a very worthy pursuit but we cannot realize success with the mental health and life satisfaction needed to enjoy it IF (to paraphrase DeBotton) when we finally achieve it we realize that it wasn’t what we truly wanted all along. For me, there would be no waiting for the golden years – at 36 during the pinnacle of my career when I had made a worldly success in life, I was given the tragic gift of perspective upon learning that my 39 year old brother had died. Overnight, I realized that climbing the corporate ladder wasn’t what I wanted all along. Suddenly my definition of success was clear – it was always about my core values. I just wanted self-actualization through helping and serving others. This clarity has been fundamental in being true to myself – to live and to work more authentically.
Karl Follen was quite right…it is easier to create success in life. I have personally found it more challenging and ultimately gratifying to live what I define as a successful life. No matter what life stage we are in – just having that perspective can help to provide clarity for living a life of purpose, on purpose.
What life lessons can you share?
- Have you been through several or all of the life stages and back again?
- Do we first need to achieve title, pay, possessions before we can “get over it” or get over ourselves – transcend the desire?
- What hard lessons would you share with those in the surviving, striving, arriving stages or any of the others?
