Fitting-in vs Being Authentic (part 3)

Human beings are hard-wired for social acceptance and are motivated to do whatever is necessary to fit-in or be liked. The question is…at what cost?

Consider the impact on history made by those who have dared to be different; from Joan of Arc to Elvis Presley.  Albert Einstein was initially seen as a failure and out right weirdo long before his ideas were ultimately deemed genius.  He dealt with the rejection by saying,  “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

I’m not suggesting that we ignore convention; we need some level of conformity for order.  Being true to oneself isn’t exactly radical but as Einstein’s quote demonstrates, a certain level of audacity is in order.  An audacious confidence and bravery is vital to balance our hard-wired fear of rejection.

The bravery that I’m speaking about was summed up beautifully in a comment to part 1 of this series. Karen Swim said, ” doing me scared is better than not doing me at all”.  So many of you commented with encouragement, honesty and refreshing revelations – thank you!  Some of you have arrived, some of you are just embarking on this journey and I’m not at audacious yet.  So when the trepidation comes to call, I have to affirm my resolve to be completely myself if I hope to fully realize myself.  I’ve also become keenly aware that audacious transparency is necessary if I hope to find my “right people”.  By “right people” I’m referring to the people that I am best suited to serve or those who bring joy and knowledge to counter-balance the stresses arising from inevitable mean-spirited or small-minded encounters.  That’s what defining “right people” means to me – the real beauty is that it’s personal and unique to each of us.

We can spend our whole lives trying to find a few that we consider our “right people” but when we are authentic and transparent, they find us -  and we soon find that we are surrounded just the right elements for our growth.

Audacious authenticity isn’t reserved for those with the power to revolutionize the planet – it can revolutionize each of us.  What do we miss when people live and die without the freedom to bloom, to bring forth their unique essence?  In Science, Religion, World Culture, Sociology, Education, Music, Media, and more, the very soul of innovation and our evolution was made manifest by those considered anything but normal.   These brave souls who “marched to the beat of a different drum”, were able to be true to themselves, actualize their true potential, and in the making, make us all better for it!

How does “fitting-in” impact your peace of mind or quality of life?

What would it feel like to be truly comfortable (authentic/transparent) in your own skin?

What would working with your “right people” look and feel like?

What might you be able to achieve if fitting-in was eliminated from the equation?

Read part 2 of this series.

What Does Career Satisfaction “Look Like” to You?

Are you happy with your job or where your career is going?

If not – why not?

“It’s not enough to keep busy. [People] want to have meaning in their lives and they want work to give them that meaning.”

Richard Bolles, “What Color Is Your Parachute? “

To begin to hone in on the root of your motivation or dissatisfaction, grab a sheet of paper and:

1.  Draw a line down the center to create two columns.

2. Jot notes in each column as you review the bullets below.

Column 1: What’s Satisfying?

List what you ARE getting that meets your needs and values.

Column 2: What’s Missing?

Note what you are NOT currently getting that you want, need, or value.

Note the impact of the following in the “satisfying” or “missing” columns:

Corporate
• Company reputation/advertising
• Products and services
• Resources or materials to do your job
• Budget or expense account
• Other: ___________________________

Fiscal
• Base salary
• Incentive plan/bonus opportunities
• Health, life, disability insurance benefits
• Paid vacation, personal/sick, holiday time
• 401k or retirement plan or stock options
• Child/elder care
• Other: ___________________________

Personal
• Work/life balance
• Preference for routine or random (locations/people)
• Alignment with personal values (service, money/material, belonging, self-actualization, etc.)
• Career development and/or promotion opportunities
• Other: ___________________________

Interpersonal
• Helpful and supportive management
• Need for autonomy or teamwork
• Persuading, influencing, or leading others
• Exposure to diverse styles, beliefs, ethnics, values
• Harmonious or challenging environment
• Other: ___________________________

As you go through the exercise, take time to really reflect on the work and environment that you found motivating, nuturing, stimulating.

Think about all the jobs you’ve held in your career to see if you can identify any trends while answering:
• What drew you to each company?
• What made you stay?
• What motivated you to leave?

When you have completed this exercise, you will have a list of you want, need, and value as deal “makers” for career satisfaction and clarity around deal “breakers” to avoid.

No Pink Slip Surprises

Imagine hearing the words, “We have to let you go.”

Those words strike fear into the hearts and minds of most on the receiving end of them. What would you do if you were laid off tomorrow?  Few people retire without losing at least one job along the way.  In reality, every job is temporary!  A right between-the-eyes tagline used by the good folks at CAREEREALISM. Right Management research revealed that 54% of employees were “involuntarily separated” from their jobs.   Losing a job is a life-changing experience, but it does not have to be a disaster, and today – it definitely should not be a surprise!

Whether you have already lost your job or just want to begin troubleshooting and managing your life, the late, great, Arthur Ashe overcame adversity and managed a brilliant career by following a maxim that he often quoted, “Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.” In other words, actively leverage everything within your control. Focusing on what you can control means that you cannot always make yourself layoff-proof, but you can improve the speed, odds and overall success of your job search. Some sources claim that employees should expect to change jobs every 18 to 24 months! So, if your employment is not fully within your control, it’s time to take the reins back by undertaking a serious career management focus.

Begin by asking yourself, “If I got a pink slip tomorrow”…

1. Is my resume updated, refined, and ready to go?
2. Do I have a list of target companies that I would like to work for?
3. What is the size and quality of my network? Who could I call tomorrow?
4. How long could I stay unemployed without undue hardship?

I just attended yet another industry meeting where people about to be downsized are scrambling to begin  online networking with LinkedIn.  Their excuse of job and family responsibilites leaving them with no time to network is a valid but not when put into perspective…focus on job and family to the exclusion of networking can leave you jobless and unable to support yourself or family!  Consider the fact that a job search used to take most people 9 – 18 months but has now become far longer and 42% of people found their new jobs through networking contacts. Those on the receiving end of the pink slip surprise agree that the day after getting a pink slip is not the day to start updating a resume or building a network.

I’m saddened by the number of missing-in-action colleagues that have called me over the past two years because they are out of work networking.  Many of my colleagues report being alienated by the flurry of  MIA former colleagues and friends – seeing their calls as purely superficial and self-serving – and often they are!  I see them as a call to action and awareness to those that are employed and oblivious.  Do you know anyone that would be on the rude awakening end of a pink slip surprise today?  If so, please encourage them to read this to begin considering the important implications of complacency.

Anyone who hasn’t been on the job market for the past 2 – 3 years is in for a bit of a shock regarding how the rules and complexity of the job search have changed. Becoming active in industry associations is often not enough; checking out free resources on this website, and joining the LinkedIn  JobLife Architects group for tips, discussions and career newsfeeds, are just a few of the things that you can do to stay current and begin to proactively manage your career.

So what will you do today to “start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can, to begin actively managing your career? Take charge – there’s no such thing as a pink slip surprise when you’re ready.

What else would you tell people about the need to be prepared?

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a pink slip surprise?

What lessons learned or or “how-tos” advice can you share?