Ideas of Success Morph by Life Stages

Karl Follen, a man of great moral strength and intellectual power said,

“I have found that it is much easier to make a success in life than to make a success of one’s life”.

His words sum up a profound truth that many of us don’t discover until our golden years. But why does it take the better part of a lifetime to define success on our own terms – to see that worldly success comes at too high a price if it is not aligned with how we want to live? I suspect that we unwittingly fall prey to material success but that our initial ideas about success morph throughout our life stages and situations.

Where are you in any of the six major life stages that I’ve defined below?

1. Surviving (hand to mouth)
2. Striving (fire in the belly or climbing the ladder)
3. Arriving (promotion, title)
4. Thriving (accolades, hitting stride)
5. Resigning (over it, burned out)
6. Re-designing (creating, re-equilibrating or re-inventing)

The saying, “life is meant to be lived forward but understood backwards” certainly applies to how I progressed through the life stages that I’ve named according to what it felt like going through them…the alliteration was simply to amuse myself and to soothe some of the sting associated with the struggles of each stage.  Only in retrospect can I understand that my humble beginnings drove a deep-seated need to prove something to myself and others during the striving and arriving years.  I came down with “affluenza” in my 30s (as many do) and sought what Alain DeBotton calls “social love” – promotions, titles, or wealth due to our desire for approval and respect.  I also fell prey to what Paul Stiles points out in his book, “Is the American Dream Killing You?” by having all of the outward trappings but little satisfaction and inner peace.

Striving for success is a very worthy pursuit but we cannot realize success with the mental health and life satisfaction needed to enjoy it IF (to paraphrase DeBotton) when we finally achieve it we realize that it wasn’t what we truly wanted all along.  For me, there would be no waiting for the golden years – at 36 during the pinnacle of my career when I had made a worldly success in life, I was given the tragic gift of perspective upon learning that my 39 year old brother had died.  Overnight, I realized that climbing the corporate ladder wasn’t what I wanted all along.  Suddenly my definition of success was clear – it was always about my core values. I just wanted self-actualization through helping and serving others. This clarity has been fundamental in being true to myself – to live and to work more authentically.

Karl Follen was quite right…it is easier to create success in life. I have personally found it more challenging and ultimately gratifying to live what I define as a successful life. No matter what life stage we are in – just having that perspective can help to provide clarity for living a life of purpose, on purpose.

What life lessons can you share?

• Have you been through several or all of the life stages and back again?

• Do we first need to achieve title, pay, possessions before we can “get over it” or get over ourselves – transcend the desire?

• What hard lessons would you share with those in the surviving, striving, arriving stages or any of the others?

What Does Career Satisfaction “Look Like” to You?

Are you happy with your job or where your career is going?

If not – why not?

“It’s not enough to keep busy. [People] want to have meaning in their lives and they want work to give them that meaning.”

Richard Bolles, “What Color Is Your Parachute? “

To begin to hone in on the root of your motivation or dissatisfaction, grab a sheet of paper and:

1.  Draw a line down the center to create two columns.

2. Jot notes in each column as you review the bullets below.

Column 1: What’s Satisfying?

List what you ARE getting that meets your needs and values.

Column 2: What’s Missing?

Note what you are NOT currently getting that you want, need, or value.

Note the impact of the following in the “satisfying” or “missing” columns:

Corporate
• Company reputation/advertising
• Products and services
• Resources or materials to do your job
• Budget or expense account
• Other: ___________________________

Fiscal
• Base salary
• Incentive plan/bonus opportunities
• Health, life, disability insurance benefits
• Paid vacation, personal/sick, holiday time
• 401k or retirement plan or stock options
• Child/elder care
• Other: ___________________________

Personal
• Work/life balance
• Preference for routine or random (locations/people)
• Alignment with personal values (service, money/material, belonging, self-actualization, etc.)
• Career development and/or promotion opportunities
• Other: ___________________________

Interpersonal
• Helpful and supportive management
• Need for autonomy or teamwork
• Persuading, influencing, or leading others
• Exposure to diverse styles, beliefs, ethnics, values
• Harmonious or challenging environment
• Other: ___________________________

As you go through the exercise, take time to really reflect on the work and environment that you found motivating, nuturing, stimulating.

Think about all the jobs you’ve held in your career to see if you can identify any trends while answering:
• What drew you to each company?
• What made you stay?
• What motivated you to leave?

When you have completed this exercise, you will have a list of you want, need, and value as deal “makers” for career satisfaction and clarity around deal “breakers” to avoid.