Are Your Values Deal Makers or Breakers? (part 1)
December 7, 2009 by Jeanne Male
Filed under Career Management, Life Satisfaction, Values
Think back over your lifetime of friendships, romantic relationships, and jobs. 
If you list deal makers that created or sustained them and the deal breakers that eroded or destroyed them, you may be very surprised by the trends that emerge. Those trends will identify what you really value.
I’m not speaking of what your ideals or beliefs tell you that you should value but what you uniquely value – what best suits YOU and keeps you in the game (job or relationship) over the long haul.
When you clarify what you value (read “need”) you learn the strategy to play your cards right. You can live with purpose and on purpose because you know what sparks the fire in your belly, gives you the mojo that makes you eager to come home each night, get up in the morning, and sing in the shower…okay, nix the shower bit because sometimes you just need to belt one out for no good reason!
But seriously, this simple exercise can be wildly eye-opening and only takes a minute to set up. So ‘cmon, print the PDF or grab a blank sheet of paper to get started identifying your values.
1. Print this Values Exercise page or create your own sheet in the same format.
2. Decide whether to focus on Job or Relationship or both.
3. GOAL: Identify trends in your deal makers and breakers. Consider every meaningful relationship or job that you walked (or ran) away from. Deal Makers: What drew you and kept you (perhaps too long) and Deal Breakers what ultimately broke the bond or caused you to end it?
Trending Tip: List adjectives in each column, e.g. opportunity, material things, safety, belonging, nuturing/love, personal growth or self-actualization, etc. You don’t need to use the example words per se, just try to use similar words (where relevant) to faciliate ease of trending. A bit like sorting and organizing the cards in your hand by color and suit, e.g. red, black, hearts, diamonds, spades, and clubs so that you know what you’re holding and how to play them.
If you’re doing the exercise now, take 10 – 15 minutes for reflection and if later, just create the page and put it in a prominent place for reference. Reflect upon the hand that you’ve been dealt and which cards you have thrown into the discard pile over the years. What you trend may be as rewarding as it is shocking – I experienced a relationship values breakthrough that changed my life.
When you have clarity around your deal makers and breakers it’s easier to find work that feels more like play and relationships that don’t feel like work.
This simple but powerful exercise can help you to play your cards right. I cannot encourage it enough so I’ll tell you what… create your lists and if you show me yours ( just comment about your experience) I’ll show you mine!
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Yes to get what you want, you have to know what you want. Socrates said “know thyself.” So you are saying that people should follow Socrates’ advice. Finding a job has become more competitive than ever.
As I was reading your post many memories of jobs,romantic relationships, and friendships appeared like visual and emotional snapshots in my mind. Every encounter and situation was an opportunity to expand or contract my being and all evoked situations which provided opportunities for inner growth and healing. Sometimes a job that makes one feel like the “round hole in a square peg” is just what one needs to bust of out of a restrictive inner pattern. Looking back some of my most challenging jobs were the ones in which I grew the most because they didn’t fit the person I really wanted to be. My heart led me to experience them in order to become clearer about what I did want. Your exercise may assist people to discover this much sooner; I appreciate your practical and useful insights!
Kathleen Casey´s last blog ..Create From a Clean Heart
Oops, I do believe that should be “round peg in a square hole”–so much for trying to remember cliches!
Kathleen Casey´s last blog ..Create From a Clean Heart
Chuck: Absolutely! Thanks for the Socrates comment, “to thine own self be true”…first we need to take a step back to reflect and reveal our true values. They are the internal engine of our motivations and happiness.
Kathleen: I’m nodding in wholehearted agreement. We need clarity around what we do not want or what doesn’t work for us in order to discover our true nature. I can’t take credit for your kind comment of ‘practical and useful’ as I first learned of a similar exercise from a relationships book by Beverly De Angelis. The results of the exercise shocked me because for the first time I realized that I needed a nurturing mate that would respect me as a full and equal partner. Only upon gaining that clarity was I able to find my perfect match. It works just the same for identifying the ideal job – I consider it a vital starting point for anyone.