Why You Need a Reputation Management Front-Stabber
February 20, 2011 by Jeanne Male
I was first introduced to the notion of a “front stabber” at a SobCon bloggers conference and immediately got it. Maybe that’s because Erika Napoletano, the woman who said it, is known for delivering the unvarnished truth.
Being honest and direct are so important to me that I somtimes wish that I could read other people’s minds. Undoubtedly, we weren’t given mind-reading abilities to spare us from (going fetal) the non-stop judgment that we are subjected to the moment we leave our homes – or in some cases, before. But those judgments and opinions are taking place whether our egos can handle them or not! The problem is that we are often too busy to go looking for trouble so the fragile ego may choose to ignore reputation warning signs like being overlooked for key meetings or gatherings. Worse still, we may inadvertently step on toes have no idea why we are highly regarded one day and persona non-grata overnight. What’s a person to do?
Beyond a healthy dose of introspection and self-awareness each day, there is nothing like having a front-stabber to clue you in on your blind-spots and your water cooler reputation. Your front-stabber is someone with whom you share:
- implicit trust
- unconditional positive regard.
In other words, not only do you know that they have your back and would come to your defense if you were being disparaged, your front-stabber gives you the heads-up scoop and warning signs to keep your reputation intact. A few examples of what they may need to tell you:
- People were rolling their eyes when you mentioned (again) your last big award or accolade.
- Colleagues are beginning to expect that you will be late or unprepared for meetings.
- Using the standard Linked In invitation looks lazy, misses an opportunity to “connect” and appears self-serving.
- Team mates feel that you aren’t carrying your weight and have grown weary of constant excuses for not following-up or following through.
- You are sometimes referred to as aloof, abrasive, a suck-up, superficial, etc.
- People are exchanging glances when you ramble or monopolize meetings.
- Because you forget to say where you learned something or heard an idea, it’s assumed the idea is your original thought.
Three questions to consider:
1 – Would you want to know these things?
2 – Who would you trust to tell you?
3 – Could you simply say, “thank you for telling me” or would you punish your front-stabber with an angry rant about how it’s not true or not fair?
The truth of what your front-stabber tells you simply doesn’t matter…perception is reality and when it’s time for a promotion, your reputation eats your resume for lunch!
Do you agree? What are the pros/cons of a front-stabber? Do you have a front-stabber experience to share?
Jeanne, this is so incredibly rich and insightful. I have front-stabbers in my life and I am very grateful for those who love me enough to want me to be my best self. I am so far from being perfect I could not even see it with a telescope! I am a work in progress and welcome the help of loving friends to keep me progressing. I’d rather hear hard truths in love than to unwittingly blunder through isolating, or hurting others or my chances at opportunities.
Thanks for your comment, Karen. I especially liked your passage, “hard truths in love…”. It could revolutionize the way we live and work if people knew how to solicit and receive feedback. The feedback has to feel safe; even if we train our egos and ears to hear it, trust is the limiting factor.
Glad you enjoyed the talk at SOBCon Colorado, Jeanne. My favorite kind of truth is the unvarnished kind
Thanks for posting, Erika. I enjoyed your talk very much all the while thinking that most of my corporate audience would be shocked. The shock effect is an effective means from which to drive your central message for branding, growth and authenticity. No doubt you are encouraging and emboldening many to speak their truth.