Fitting-in vs Being Authentic (part 3)
November 24, 2009 by Jeanne Male
- Image via Wikipedia
Human beings are hard-wired for social acceptance and are motivated to do whatever is necessary to fit-in or be liked. The question is…at what cost?
Consider the impact on history made by those who have dared to be different; from Joan of Arc to Elvis Presley. Albert Einstein was initially seen as a failure and out right weirdo long before his ideas were ultimately deemed genius. He dealt with the rejection by saying, “Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”
I’m not suggesting that we ignore convention; we need some level of conformity for order. Being true to oneself isn’t exactly radical but as Einstein’s quote demonstrates, a certain level of audacity is in order. An audacious confidence and bravery is vital to balance our hard-wired fear of rejection.
The bravery that I’m speaking about was summed up beautifully in a comment to part 1 of this series. Karen Swim said, ” doing me scared is better than not doing me at all”. So many of you commented with encouragement, honesty and refreshing revelations – thank you! Some of you have arrived, some of you are just embarking on this journey and I’m not at audacious yet. So when the trepidation comes to call, I have to affirm my resolve to be completely myself if I hope to fully realize myself. I’ve also become keenly aware that audacious transparency is necessary if I hope to find my “right people”. By “right people” I’m referring to the people that I am best suited to serve or those who bring joy and knowledge to counter-balance the stresses arising from inevitable mean-spirited or small-minded encounters. That’s what defining “right people” means to me – the real beauty is that it’s personal and unique to each of us.
We can spend our whole lives trying to find a few that we consider our “right people” but when we are authentic and transparent, they find us - and we soon find that we are surrounded just the right elements for our growth.
Audacious authenticity isn’t reserved for those with the power to revolutionize the planet – it can revolutionize each of us. What do we miss when people live and die without the freedom to bloom, to bring forth their unique essence? In Science, Religion, World Culture, Sociology, Education, Music, Media, and more, the very soul of innovation and our evolution was made manifest by those considered anything but normal. These brave souls who “marched to the beat of a different drum”, were able to be true to themselves, actualize their true potential, and in the making, make us all better for it!
How does “fitting-in” impact your peace of mind or quality of life?
What would it feel like to be truly comfortable (authentic/transparent) in your own skin?
What would working with your “right people” look and feel like?
What might you be able to achieve if fitting-in was eliminated from the equation?
Read part 2 of this series.
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=9e8aa38e-03c4-4738-96c6-3b4de43a379b)
Yet another great post, Jeanne!
It took me a good long while to muster up the courage to let go and be myself. And you know what opened my eyes? Having my kids. Watching them grow and develop into these lovely unique individuals who just love being in their own skin taught me a big life lesson. If I never took the step to be true to myself, I would be one irritable, resentful creature. Lots of mistakes and learning along the way, but really….I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jeanne, I agree with Lydia. This post is filled with powerful insight and stands as a testament to the obvious self-awareness and acceptance you possess. Fitting in for me is like wearing an ill fitting pair of shoes. You can walk in them, and from the outside you may even look good in them but there is a tremendous amount of pain in what should be natural and easy (walking, standing).
Karen Swim´s last blog ..Adrenalin, Pie and the Holiday Season
Lydia, isn’t it amazing how as young parents we think that we exist to teach our children only to learn how very much our children teach us. Beautiful – thanks for sharing your experience.
Karen, your shoe analogy is excellent. So many people are walking around in somebody else’s shoes and smiling through the pain.
I’ve just been reading comments from all three parts, Jeanne, you have stimulated just great discussions! This time I focused on your comment: “Audacious authenticity isn’t reserved for those with the power to revolutionize the planet – it can revolutionize each of us.”
My belief is that each person courageously moving beyond his or her socialized restrictions into authentic self-expression, is a true revolutionary. We humans (as per Course in Miracles-”There is only One Mind”) are in the process of creating healthier, more intimate and loving relationships with the Earth and with each other. We have different gifts and different roles; no one person is more important than another.
Early on in my development in the healing/transformational field, I read this admonition by Brugh Joy, “Make no comparisons.” So challenging for all of us in different times and situations, and so necessary if we are to really fulfill our soul’s purpose.
Lately I notice that I am even more grateful for kindness, especially from people who serve the public all day. A cashier or salesperson who smiles and has true positive intent has often made a lasting impression on me as I was filled with gratitude.
I hope you write part four-this is great!
Kathleen Casey´s last blog ..Create From a Clean Heart
Jeanne,
Yes, yes the courage to be ourselves! Coming out of hiding for me means expressing who I am without limiting the full expression. The daring to be fully engaged in life without guilt can be a major aspect for women–what we should be doing, how we should do it, what we should look like and sound like. The truth of authentic self expression has been a life lived with more ease and joy. Thanks for referring me to this blog,mirrors are gifts! Joanna
Joanna,
As I read your comments, I could feel the depth and strength of your commitment to being audaciously authentic. It’s one thing to think or believe that audacious authenticity is important and another to consistently live it. Your words have helped to shore-up my resolve – and I thank you for your inspiration!
Great post, Jeanne.
For me, committing to authenticity isn’t a one-time thing. I commit to it. I act that way. I fall back. I recommit. It’s a continuous loop.
As you know, I wrote a book on freewriting and use that technique often. One of the ways I use it, then, is as a reminder to myself of what my authentic self looks like.
I’ll be writing about some problem I’m facing, and I’ll ask myself, “How would the real me handle this? The me a my best?” By actively thinking that way, by viewing the situation through that lens, I’m more likely to act that way.
Mark Levy´s last blog ..Do You Take the Credit You Deserve?
Mark, thanks for taking the time to stop by and comment. As you know, I’m a fan of your book, “Accidental Genius”. The Focus-changer questions are powerful – I think they would make for a great ‘job aid’ or laminated hard card. Your book was initially recommended to me by a friend and I have been recommending to others. Thanks for the inspiration, Mark!
Thanks for the kind words and recommendation that I turn the focus-changer questions from “Accidental Genius” into a laminated card.
You know, Jeanne, I never thought about that. Probably because I have never used such a card. But others might.
I’ve got to stop thinking everyone is like me.
Mark Levy´s last blog ..Do You Take the Credit You Deserve?