Why You Need a Reputation Management Front-Stabber

I was first introduced to the notion of a “front stabber” at a SobCon bloggers conference and immediately got it.  Maybe that’s because Erika Napoletano, the woman who said it, is known for delivering the unvarnished truth. 

Being honest and direct are so important to me that I somtimes wish that I could read other people’s minds. Undoubtedly, we weren’t given mind-reading abilities to spare us from (going fetal) the non-stop judgment that we are subjected to the moment we leave our homes  – or in some cases, before.  But those judgments and opinions are taking place whether our egos can handle them or not!  The problem is that we are often too busy to go looking for trouble so the fragile ego may choose to ignore reputation warning signs like being overlooked for key meetings or gatherings.  Worse still, we may inadvertently step on toes have no idea why we are highly regarded one day and persona non-grata overnight. What’s a person to do?

Beyond a healthy dose of introspection and self-awareness each day, there is nothing like having a front-stabber to clue you in on your blind-spots and your water cooler reputation.  Your front-stabber is someone with whom you share:

• implicit trust
• unconditional positive regard. 

In other words, not only do you know that they have your back and would come to your defense if you were being disparaged, your front-stabber gives you the heads-up scoop and warning signs to keep your reputation intact. A few examples of what they may need to tell you:

• People were rolling their eyes when you mentioned (again) your last big award or accolade.
• Colleagues are beginning to expect that you will be late or unprepared for meetings.
• Using the standard Linked In invitation looks lazy, misses an opportunity to “connect” and appears self-serving.
• Team mates feel that you aren’t carrying your weight and have grown weary of  constant excuses for not following-up or following through.
• You are sometimes referred to as aloof, abrasive, a suck-up, superficial, etc.
• People are exchanging glances when you ramble or monopolize meetings.
• Because you forget to say where you learned something or heard an idea, it’s assumed the idea is your original thought.

Three questions to consider:

1 – Would you want to know these things?

2 – Who would you trust to tell you?

3 – Could you simply say, “thank you for telling me” or would you punish your front-stabber with an angry rant about how it’s not true or not fair?

The truth of what your front-stabber tells you simply doesn’t matter…perception is reality and when it’s time for a promotion, your reputation eats your resume for lunch!

Do you agree? What are the pros/cons of a front-stabber? Do you have a  front-stabber experience to share?

Lessons in Living, Fighting and Dying Well

When our lives end, the only enduring remains are the imprints left on the lives we touched. This post is intended to honor the memory of an extraordinary joblife architect by sharing a glimpse of the unique imprint left by my dear friend and mentor, John Reddish.

I’ve learned a lot from job and life mentors but nothing can compare to what he taught me – John showed me how to die.

The following is adapted from my eulogy remarks:

In 1998 when John Reddish and I met at a National Speakers Association meeting, little did we know that the future would place us side-by-side in the trenches of the fiercest battle that each of us would ever fight.

Two years later, John fought with me in the trenches of a Federal court battle to protect my intellectual property. It was during that 8 month battle and our quick daily “bulleted” phone updates, that JR became shorthand for John and I was dubbed JM.

Over the next decade, a very strong bond of mutual respect evolved… but had not yet been tested. That test came in April when JR sent me the diagnostic CAT scan report.  As I read and re-read the report, there was no doubt that that he was deep in the trenches and in grave danger.

Some have wondered why I took the role as his healthcare advocate.  It wasn’t because I could or should.  But simply because those who have stood and fought side by side in the trenches know the importance of keeping a constant eye out for each other.

So over the next 8 months, JR graciously allowed his dear friend Bill Sawyer and me to share the trenches of chemotherapy with him:

The first 6 outpatient rounds would have knocked most to their knees but IF he didn’t tell you or you didn’t see his hair or weight loss… you would have no idea that he was battling cancer.  He NEVER LET ON and he NEVER SLOWED DOWN.

• During the chemo sessions he would tell me of how touched he was by emails, cards or calls he received. If you are one who expressed shock upon learning that he had passed or disappointment that you didn’t reach out enough…please don’t dismay – shielding you was his way.
• During the longest of outpatient chemo sessions he would often say, “its not my time, JM – I still have too much to do. One time when the Benadryl made him a bit woozy, he slipped and said he still had too much to give. To “give” rather then “do” was more accurate but not something he would normally say – it would be too much like bragging to him. But one only needs to read his FaceBook page to see how much he gave and many lives he touched. He was just getting started.
• When the nurses fawned over the picnic baskets of gourmet goodies that we noshed throughout the chemo days, he would puff up a bit and say, “I have great friends” – referring to all of his friends – I heard him say it often.  The only time I ever saw John display pride was when showing a photo of his 3 beautiful grandsons or when speaking of his friends – they meant the world to him.

In August, when the lymphoma spread and was now at stage 4, we to MOVED from the TRENCHES of OUTPATIENT chemo to the FRONT LINES of HOSPITALIZATION  – it was the difference between 3-8 hours and 3–6 days of continuous chemo infusion!

During this time (between tweet chats no less) John would tell the medical staff that he was fine and felt great…but the films and labs clearly showed otherwise. The doctors, Bill and I shook our heads – in retrospect, he was just demonstrating the best business practice of staying focused on the GOAL (of beating the odds) not on the OBSTACLES. What a wise man.

By then, my job as medical advocate had morphed into wingman and all around “mother bear”.  So when I asked the tough questions that JR expected me to ask, he said, “it doesn’t matter if they tell me that I will die tomorrow, I won’t give up.”

In early November – when the labs showed me that his body was defying his spirit, he never showed fear, never let on and never, ever complained.  How is that possible when you’re dying?  But he didn’t.  From the darkest and most trying of times in the trenches, JR never gave up even as his body gave out.

In the end, we both lost our battles, but STANDING AND FIGHTING alongside JR was an extraordinary honor and education. You see, I got to watch a man LIVE the meaning of the saying…”never say die”.

John Reddish was an icon of how to live, fight and die with wisdom, verve and dignity.

He taught me as much in death as in life.

Can Life Lessons Be Taught?

When my mentor, Norm Ferzoco, died I felt a strong sense of responsibility to pay his mentoring forward. Despite freely honoring his legacy for the past two years, I have been deeply pondering whether we can actually spare others from the wounds we bore (and sometimes inflicted) on the battlefield of life.

As I reflect upon whether my roles as a leader, mentor and teacher make a difference, I keep circling back to the quotation that I use in lieu of a long bio when leading training sessions:

Experience is the name that we have given our MISTAKES.~unknown.

I follow by saying…and I have a lot of experience. Of course, meaning twenty-plus years of mistakes!

But IS it possible to relay hard-earned wisdom (mistakes) to shorten learning curves and prevent painful pitfalls, bumps and bruises OR must people learn from the direct experience of their own mistakes?

Consider these “top-of-mind” life lessons along with your own to test your theory:

1. People may not remember the specifics of what we do or say (or even our names) but they never forget how we made them feel.

2. Our most important learning often occurs during adversity or times of great duress; or the opposite of when we are, as the saying goes, “fat, dumb and happy”.

3. We rarely know how important family is, or find out whom our real friends are, until we are up against hard times.

4. We don’t see things as they are – we see things as we are.  A previous post discusses our lack of objectivity due to every day bias because our perceptual filters create a lens of interpretive bias through which we see our individual reality.  Because the lens of the masses is a kaleidoscope, objectivity demands that we look at a prism of perspectives – not just our monochromatic reality.

5. Emotional contagion is real! When we are happy to see others they become  happy to see us – the same goes for greeting people with a flat affect and more.

6. It is human to lack appreciation for things that are handed to us. Conversely, striving for a prize that is withheld for too long, can suck the joy out of finally receiving it.

7. Much of early adulthood is spent trying to prove something to ourselves, our parents and family. A lack of self-awareness about our motivational drive can land us in a miserable job, loveless marriage and/or serious debt.

8. Avoid people who have acquired worldly success but haven’t gotten over themselves.

9. There’s a precarious balance being humble and becoming a doormat as well as being assertive and coming off as an ass.

10. Validation is magic!  Human potential blooms like petals under the light of acknowledgement and warmth of praise.  To change behaviors – shine a light on what is right.

11. Innate curiosity and a desire to grow often trumps advanced degrees and pedigrees. Both are great, if I can hire only one, give me the former over the latter any day!

12. Success is not for “other” people.  The most famous and together people on the planet have their issues, problems and foibles.  Most of them simply wanted it more, knew the right people and/or had opportune timing.

13. Refuse to think that you are superior or inferior to anyone who knows or has more/less than you – learn from all of them.

This baker’s dozen contains a few things that I “know” from direct experience – could anyone have merely told me? Would hearing the the lessons help if only to raise a warning flag or to validate intuition – or was Marcel Proust right?

“We don’t receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take for us or spare us.” ~Marcel Proust

• What do you think?
• Did you learn from “wisdom” that was passed down?
• Do you have lessons to share?

The Unnatural Act of Networking

Does the idea of walking into a room of strangers evoke feelings of excitement or dread?

Whether a cocktail party or association meeting, I typically feel dread.

The need to understand the dread of networking has gotten under my skin. When I think about walking into the Friday evening reception for my first SOBCon mastermind meeting,  I don’t feel the typical dread but I do feel a bit reticent.  This makes no sense for a couple of reasons: First, because the small group of bright, fun and supportive folks I’m about to meet aren’t the stereotypical networking event types.

It also makes no sense because I’m not usually shy.  To those who know me professionally, the idea that I might be shy is ludicrous. I’m the kind of person who could be described as “she never met a stranger” - I absolutely love people.  And since I’m in my second decade of delivering training and keynotes to audiences of hundreds,  I could hardly be described as shy.  The fact remains, I do feel a bit shy or at the very least reticent about walking into any room of strangers and I know I’m not alone.  So if I struggle,  I can’t imagine how challenging networking must be to someone who really is shy. Why do so many of us dread or have a love/hate response to networking? 

While examining why, I’ve had a few epiphanies about the feelings that arise during networking and the methods used to manage them.

• It feels contrived - Since the mid 1990s my National Speaker’s Association colleagues have been advocating use of  the elevator pitch. As a former product manager, I fully appreciate the branding and recall benefits of messaging but I’ve grown weary of hearing and delivering elevator pitches. The idea of repeating another elevator speech makes me a little nauseous.
  

• It’s superficial - We are hard-wired to judge.  Like it or not, in the first 30 – 90 seconds people are judging dress, height, grooming, body language, voice, wit, title. We don’t get to know a person, we get a snapshot of them – one where they are posing…literally.

• It’s clique and power driven - People tend to gravitate to their familiar circles and typically don’t go out of their way to bring outsiders in.  Many are watching the door or looking over the shoulder of the person talking to see if someone more important has arrived on the scene. I can’t help but cringe when I see an over the shoulder glance or while watching the masses flock to the alpha crowd.

• And the #1 epiphany is…you can’t fight city hall - networking is a vital social and career development skill!  So, if you’re not comfortable working a room,  you owe it to yourself to find ways to become a more natural networker.

This self-reflection (above) and being clear about my objectives (below) has provided methods for making networking a bit more natural to me.

Which of the following would make what feels like an unnatural act a bit more natural to you?

• To Connect or Impress? Of course, it’s ideal to do both but we tend to put more emphasis on one area.  For example, to build relationships, the emphasis is to connect- to build business, the emphasis may be to impress.  My business model and personality create a focus on connecting – one of the reasons I dread networking is because I want to have meaningful interactions.  I don’t remember many elevator pitches but I always recall how someone made me feel. I recently had a very deep conversation with someone I had met briefly on several occasions. Neither of us were looking to impress, instead of the usual game face, we allowed ourselves to be a little vulnerable and shared more of our authentic selves – in that one conversation I felt a true kinship with her.  Not that every encounter should be as such, it’s an example of truly connecting versus trying to impress. Turns out, she was just being an exceptional model of what she blogs about, “The Art of Authentic Chit Chat”.

• Are You More Active or Passive? I prefer to be approached than to approach. It’s odd but I only feel comfortable approaching if I have a role or reason for walking up to a stranger.  If I don’t have a role, I have found that I feel much more comfortable approaching someone who looks isolated or shy.  I’ll introduce them to others who don’t know anyone.  I actually formalized an association’s “Welcome Committee” this way. One of my epiphanies resulted in a good chuckle when I realized that I had given myself a  role (to make myself comfortable) to approach others in hopes of making them more comfortable!

• Do You Want to Build Your Power, Customer or Knowledge Base? You certainly can do all three, but your priority is probably based upon your business needs.  If I were a salesperson or had a huge payroll to meet, my priorities might be to build my customer base.  But as someone running a boutique knowledge-based business,  I’m free to seek out fascinating people without regard for their business potential. I just shared an example of learning from my “Art of Chit Chat” colleague and was able to pass along the learning experience.

• Do You Tend to Do More Talking or Listening? Does telling what you know or learning what others know align with your networking objectives? I find that if someone asks great questions or if I don’t have a few good questions to ask, I end up doing most of the talking.  Problem is, I can’t learn from others when I’m doing talking, so it helps to have a few conversations starters at the ready. Of course, I don’t want to sound like I’m interrogating someone but when used appropriately, the questions spark interest, keep people engaged and help me to connect and build my knowledge base.  The following examples are provided as a springboard for you to create a set of questions that fit your style and networking events.

Conversations Starter Sampler

If you could undertake a business venture and know that you could not fail – what would would it be?

We’ve all heard the expression, “you couldn’t pay me enough to do that job” – what would that job be for you?

If you could hear a speech from any leading figure throughout history, whom would you choose to hear ?

If you could be the spokesperson for any product on the market, which product would you happily endorse?

What’s the best thing that you ever learned from a good or bad boss?

What topics do you consider a bore?

What’s the best thing your parents or children ever taught you?

So what about you? Does the idea of walking into a room of strangers fill you with more excitement or more dread?

• Are you a natural or unnatural networker?
• What are some of your favorite questions to spark conversation?
• What other tips can you share?
  

Is Your Objectivity Jacked? Everyday bias in bad decisions

If you’re like most people, you like to think of yourself as someone who thinks clearly and objectively.  Me too, until an recent event served as a lightening rod for appreciating our inability to think without bias.

Recently, a former colleague and friend of my husband posted a FaceBook link to a newsletter that caused an uproar in our house. The newsletter cited the 1964 Civil Rights Act as and example of federal government intrusion into restaurants and movie houses – even creating an inability for people to decide who could be their neighbor.

With no doubt in his mind, my husband questioned his friend and was shocked when his colleague replied that he couldn’t see anything wrong with the article.

Here’s where it gets interesting…and creates huge potential for divided camps:

while he saw nothing wrong, I was profoundly upset by it! In 1939 the five-year old girl who would become my mother learned that she not allowed to swim in the community pool. Being told, “No Spics Allowed” haunted her and created devastating ripple effects.  So it makes sense that  I was offended but what I  couldn’t fathom was that my husband’s colleague (the bright, kind, southern Christian man who posted it) reported reading the article three times and couldn’t see anything wrong with it. I shared how my bias caused such a negative reaction to the article but wondered, what’s his story…how can I understand his perspective just as I wish he understood  mine?

Out of respect for me, this lovely man told my husband that he took the offending post down but: I don’t think that’s the answer…nor do I want to debate whether the article or our friend was a victim of bigoted bias or not – let’s simply use this real-life  situation as a springboard for understanding.

The answer is to intercept our brains’ auto-pilot for bias.

Here’s How Objectivity Gets Jacked:

Hi-jacking: (reacting before thinking brain)

The amygdala or unevolved brain processes our perception and feelings as good or bad within milliseconds. This can cause a regrettable knee-jerk response cover in the previous post,  “When Smart People Make JackAss Moves”. During an amygdala hi-jacking the emotions are so strong that our unevolved brain (the amygdala) takes over before the evolved executive brain (the prefrontal cortex) can process the information to regulate our response.

Example: My initial reaction to reading the offending post was shock and anger.  I don’t think that I could have maintained a poker-face had we been face-to-face so the virtual exchange may have spared me from an amygdala hi-jacking and jackass move.

Even if we are able to hit the un-evolved brain “pause” button to allow our executive brain to analyze, our thinking may be jacked a second time!

Low-jacking: (interpretive bias brain)

After the amygdala does the initial good/bad processing,  the executive brain (pre-frontal cortex) uses intelligence, data and previous experiences to assess whether the initial feelings and perception were accurate.  Our executive brain’s thinking can be “low-jacked” (to access by an alternate means) by our sub-conscious tendency to latch-on to information that validates our initial perception and to filter out what doesn’t support it.

Examples:

• good or bad first impressions or prejudices (pre-judging) and how we may be more or less willing to give others a pass
• placebo effect and how we often get what we expect
• how remarkably bright people are unable to see the diverse perspectives of social, political, or religious issues
• how physicians’ training/time limitations add interpretive bias to a patient types and cause mis-diagnoses
• why a juror’s personal experience (aka bias) can impede their ability to impartially judge factual evidence.

The truth of our reality is that we don’t see things as they are – we see things as we are.

Sadly, our knee-jerk reactions and our filtered reasoning means that we access knowledge more selectively than objectively which often results in thinking that is, umm.. jacked.

The important discussion becomes, how does it hurt all of us and what can we do about it?

- When have you been on the receiving end of a jacked idea or decision?

- What can we do to prevent or minimize our the brain low-jackings that create interpretive bias?

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• Gladstone: A Taxonomy of Bias: The Cognitive Miser (lesswrong.com)

When Smart People Make Jackass Moves

When was the last time that you said or did something that you later regretted?

You know…the slammed door, mean-spirited exchange or angry email that made you wonder, “What the hell was I thinking”? The simple answer is you weren’t – knee-jerk reactions have little to do with thinking.

People with the highest to lowest IQs are equally subject to the knee-jerk faux pas that make them act like jackasses at times – but why?

Regardless of IQ, human brains are  wired to react emotionally before thinking rationally:

- a tremendous survival advantage in prehistoric times when in the blink of an eye, we had to judge friend or foe and fight or flight.

- a career and relationship disadvantage in today’s complex world of subtle threats.  Just consider the implications of our immediate reaction to judge something as good or bad in the rapid-fire and impersonal digital age… and viola, the birth of the angry email or terse text. Often, a jackass move on our part  generates a jackass move by the person on the receiving end of our kick and before we know it, we’re at the head of a jackass conga line!

We can forgive ourselves for being human but we can’t be excused – the ability to manage our emotions is what prevents crimes of passion, broken relationships and career-limiting moves.

Just as an angry email may live on in print forever, our words and behaviors become etched in the hearts and minds of those on the receiving end of them. We can always apologize but we can never erase a jackass move.

How do you tame a knee-jerk reaction before it becomes a jackass move?

A favorite of mine: If I can’t acknowledge the negative reaction and let it go, I allow myself to vent in an angry mail – using the MS Outlook ‘options’ feature, I  send it  myself (only) to read early the next day.  With fresh eyes I’ve been surprised and amused by how hard the ol’ jackass was kicking.

Ideas of Success Morph by Life Stages

Karl Follen, a man of great moral strength and intellectual power said,

“I have found that it is much easier to make a success in life than to make a success of one’s life”.

His words sum up a profound truth that many of us don’t discover until our golden years. But why does it take the better part of a lifetime to define success on our own terms – to see that worldly success comes at too high a price if it is not aligned with how we want to live? I suspect that we unwittingly fall prey to material success but that our initial ideas about success morph throughout our life stages and situations.

Where are you in any of the six major life stages that I’ve defined below?

1. Surviving (hand to mouth)
2. Striving (fire in the belly or climbing the ladder)
3. Arriving (promotion, title)
4. Thriving (accolades, hitting stride)
5. Resigning (over it, burned out)
6. Re-designing (creating, re-equilibrating or re-inventing)

The saying, “life is meant to be lived forward but understood backwards” certainly applies to how I progressed through the life stages that I’ve named according to what it felt like going through them…the alliteration was simply to amuse myself and to soothe some of the sting associated with the struggles of each stage.  Only in retrospect can I understand that my humble beginnings drove a deep-seated need to prove something to myself and others during the striving and arriving years.  I came down with “affluenza” in my 30s (as many do) and sought what Alain DeBotton calls “social love” – promotions, titles, or wealth due to our desire for approval and respect.  I also fell prey to what Paul Stiles points out in his book, “Is the American Dream Killing You?” by having all of the outward trappings but little satisfaction and inner peace.

Striving for success is a very worthy pursuit but we cannot realize success with the mental health and life satisfaction needed to enjoy it IF (to paraphrase DeBotton) when we finally achieve it we realize that it wasn’t what we truly wanted all along.  For me, there would be no waiting for the golden years – at 36 during the pinnacle of my career when I had made a worldly success in life, I was given the tragic gift of perspective upon learning that my 39 year old brother had died.  Overnight, I realized that climbing the corporate ladder wasn’t what I wanted all along.  Suddenly my definition of success was clear – it was always about my core values. I just wanted self-actualization through helping and serving others. This clarity has been fundamental in being true to myself – to live and to work more authentically.

Karl Follen was quite right…it is easier to create success in life. I have personally found it more challenging and ultimately gratifying to live what I define as a successful life. No matter what life stage we are in – just having that perspective can help to provide clarity for living a life of purpose, on purpose.

What life lessons can you share?

• Have you been through several or all of the life stages and back again?

• Do we first need to achieve title, pay, possessions before we can “get over it” or get over ourselves – transcend the desire?

• What hard lessons would you share with those in the surviving, striving, arriving stages or any of the others?

Life Equals Risk: Success Stories (part 3)

Forbes magazine asked 34 entrepreneurs, celebrities, athletes and politicians:“What are the biggest risks that you have taken?”

Read some of the gutsy and inspiring stories and/or zip through the “In Pictures” flipbook to pause on personalities of interest. Several of the stories provided me with a visual of “white-knuckled success” – it seems that for many of them, the following quote sums up why they took the plunge:

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”~Ambrose Redmoon

Part 1 of this series put risk into perspective with the glaring example of how simply getting out of bed each day is a life threatening risk that we don’t even consider. It prompted you to bring to mind risks that you taking until the reality of taking them feels as frightening as your first roller coaster ride.  And closed with a video of famous failures who went on to become great in business, the arts, and politics – ending with a stirring clip…”Life Equals Risk”.

Part 2 examined risk tolerance. It became clear that most of us cannot be labeled as risk-tolerant or risk-averse because our temperament, nature and nurture impact our ability and willingness to take situational risks. The take-away: we all have the ability to take big risks – provided that we possess the self-confidence and/or belief that the risk is worth taking.

Part 3 opens above with the risks taken by regular folks and a few well-known entrepreneurs. So it seems fitting to wrap up the series by sharing success stories of 10 celebrities who would not realized their destinies had they not taken the risks needed to follow their dreams.

10 Famous People in the “Wrong” Career at Age 30

1. Andrea Bocelli, lawyer
2. Julia Child, government spy
3. Rodney Dangerfield, aluminum siding salesman
4. Harrison Ford, carpenter
5. Michael Jordan, baseball player
6. James Joyce, singer
7. Mao Tse-Tung, elementary school principal
8. Colonel Sanders, salesman/farmer/pilot/fireman
9. Sylvester Stallone, deli counter attendant
10. Martha Stewart, stockbroker

“In order to realize your destiny, you must be willing to release your history.” ~Karl Schmidt

So what do you think?

• Was their celebrity a result of having the courage to take a big risk?
• Or did they become well-known because following their passion was a risk worth taking?
• Or was it a mix or something else that allowed them to feel the fear and do it anyway?
• What would you do if you knew you could not fail?

Life Equals Risk: Fear and Risk Tolerance (part 2)

“No passion so effectively robs the mind of all of its powers of acting and reasoning as fear.” ~Edmund Burke

Why do some people spend their lives wishing for something while others are living their dreams?

Ronald Heifetz, professor at Harvard University’s John F. Kennedy School of Government, answers by saying,  “Making real decisions and taking real risks requires freedom – freedom from the loyalties, expectations and fears that inevitably fog our risk-vs.-reward equation.  Peoples’ choices to take or refrain from risk are over-determined by their culture.” Professor Heifetz’s quotation about culture determining risk tolerance is provocative but only scratches the surface.

Is there something beyond culture that makes some people more willing to act on their wishes – to take more risks than others?

Psychologists have theories but now geneticists are weighing in. The BusinessWeek article, Innate Risk-Takers introduces the book, “Born Entrepreneurs, Born Leaders: How Your Genes Affect Your Work Life”.  The title may lead us to believe that entrepreneurs are hard-wired for leadership and risk but the story and theory don’t end there.  Our genes may impact in-born behavioral styles but we humans are far too complex for sweeping genetic generalizations – nature and nurture play very important roles.  A single source, book or risk-taking assessment cannot identify your true risk-taking style, much less how you react to various risk situations.

To begin to illustrate this complexity,  I’ll disclose a few high and low risk tolerance traits (as described by the books) and how nature/nurture contribute to my personal risk tolerance. 

Please use the bullets as a prompt to consider factors that may impact your risk tolerance.

I’m risk-tolerant - by the books, because:

• I’m at my best under pressure – enjoyed emergency ambulance work.
• Enjoys speed, rollercoasters, and had a (before parenthood) desire to skydive.
• Primarily exhibits “Dominance” and “Influence” behavioral styles in work environments (they love spontaneity, fast pace, risks and challenge)
• Those with the birth sign of Aries are known for adventure, pioneering, optimism and risk-taking.

I have always considered myself risk-tolerant, yet just yesterday, my husband described me as risk-averse!  It surprised me but made sense at the same time. Here’s why it’s not so simple:

I’m risk-averse - by the books, because:

• I like surprises…just not bad ones.  My mind works to troubleshoot what can go wrong with anything/everything – I want to be prepared.
• Moving from middle class to relative poverty as a child created strong financial sensibilities. I don’t worship money and I don’t waste it.
• When I’m not in the role of boss, my “Dominance” behavioral style is replaced with “Steadiness” and “Conscientiousness” (full focus on helping.  I can be spontaneous but prefer to research decisions and to plan)
• Working in allied health and having a child with dairy anaphylaxis has made me keenly aware of risks that others may not consider – hence, more cautious.

~ What is your mix of risk-tolerance and risk-averse nature/nurture traits?

~ How did my risk tolerance equation factor in the biggest risk that I have personally taken…leaving a six-figure salaried job and starting my own business in 1997 as a single mother with no other source of income?

For me, risk tolerance is largely about fear management.

I was only able to manage the fear with an equal mix of:

using my head – following my heart – and trusting my gut.

Please share your ideas and experience and/or read part 1:

• When have you felt the fear and decided to do it anyway?
• What did you learn about risk, fear and yourself?

Life Equals Risk (part 1)

Each morning we get up and plan our day.  But each day, a fair number of those who knew what they would be doing that evening were wrong because the risks of living caused their lives to be forever changed or lost.  A sobering thought, yet none of us is immune to an automobile accident, a  sudden illness or random event. I was musing about this topic this past December when my long-time friend and book keeper went out to her car, slipped on the ice and suffered serious head trauma – she is currently disabled and may never be the same.

The stark reality is that simply getting out of bed in the morning and stepping into the shower is a risk.  So  now that we have yanked open the illusory curtain of safety and certainty, let’s begin to bring taking risks into perspective.

We get out of bed because the risk is so worth taking that we don’t think about it as risky.  And what about the risks you do think about – until the notion of actually taking them becomes as frightening as your first roller coaster ride?    Are you considering…

• starting a business?
• leaving an unhappy situation?
• taking a new job?
• changing career fields?
• becoming a stay-at-home mom or dad?
• living with authenticity and transparency?
• going back to school?
• relocating?
  
• following a dream?

If so, what’s holding you back? Fear of failure or rejection? Watch this video about “Famous Failures” for inspiration well worth holding onto.

Hang on tight to the feeling you have after watching the video and read part 2 now (risk tolerance) and then click the RSS feed to get part 3 by email – to hear from everyday people who climbed aboard the risk roller coaster of their dreams.

Let’s get the discussion started:

• What risks are you considering?
• What risks have you taken – will you share your story?

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